Man Flu

Christ! I feel rough. I'm told I have 'a cold' but I think it's technically called 'man flu' by we sufferers. I get zero sympathy from the women in my life.

What I don't understand is that a cold isn't supposed to make you feel so achy or give you such low energy that I'm struggling to even type this. I have both, though my sore throat of last night has eased and I feel the usual symptoms of a cold building in my head. It's not (as far as I can tell) flu because the really bad symptoms aren't there. Hence my diagnosis of 'man flu'.

Anyway, a tip of my slightly infected hat to the BBC executives. I didn't think they'd do it but they of course had no alternative but to sake Jeremy Clarkson once a bloodied lip entered into the picture. Having a high moral stance it what we want of our national broadcaster, yet I can't help but feel that something has been lost and lost to Rupert Murdoch.

Here's my prediction. A new Clarkson/May/Hammond vehicle (no pun intended) will launch on Sky, obviously helping increase Sky's subscribers and bringing vast amounts of money into the Murdoch coffers which would have previously gone into the BBC coffers where it has been helping them produce more innovative and marginal TV than the old 'Top Gear'.

Meanwhile, the new BBC 'Top Gear' will probably carry on much as before. Against most people's expectations, I think the BBC will try to keep the jaundiced grumpy middle age vibe, with just a few less racial slurs. It will probably do okay and the Sky one will do okay. I expect to hate the new show because they will cherry pick the most annoying presenters, taking them from my well circulated list of 'people who make David hiss with fury'. Chris Evans, Danny Dyer, and Stephen Fry. How much more toxic could they get? Oh, I know. They'll make one of them a woman and the woman will be Caitlan Moran, who I insist hasn't a funny bone in her body. Of course, the moment you say that, there's always somebody who'll say 'oh, but you're bound to say that because you're the kind of man that dear Caitlan has been mocking for all these years.' To which I'd reply: sod you. I have man flu, remember. I'm not likely to remember my language.

Anyway, I feel too rough to lament Clarkson's lot in life. How the hell does a man so well off seem to feel like the world is as wrong as he claims. He's one of life's winners. He was't to come view life from this end of the long shit stick.

Pardon my language again. It's the man flue.

Besides, in a few years, we'll probably we watching Clarkson, May and Hammond (five years older but looking ten years younger) migrate back to the BBC where the whole ridiculous circus will begin again.

And just what was James May thinking about when he wore that hat for the camera's today. Made him look like an effete Tommy Trinder.