Monday, 30 May 2011


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(Click the picture for the larger readable version)

First of all, let me set the record straight: I don’t hate everybody. I’m nearly 7% less misanthropic than you’d think I am after reading the above cartoon. In fact, I'm nothing like Ned. Except I have been getting a lot of emails from Facebook recently and, try as I might, I still can't learn to enjoy social networking.

Twitter can sometimes be fun in that I can vent my nonsense somewhere with no consequences. It’s a one-sided conversation and I don’t need to lose a valuable hour of my day chatting with somebody on the other side. Facebook, on the other hand, is a long term commitment to relationships. You’re meant to be interested in what other people are doing. And the thing is: beyond the circle of my friends, I’m really not interested in learning what other people are doing. I’m really am just too busy.

I wouldn’t mind it so much, though, if it was limited to just knowing what other people are doing. Facebook continually tells me what a great time other people are having and I don’t want to know how hot it is in the Seychelles. Here in the North West, it’s raining. It’s June in a couple of days yet here I am trying to stimulate my brain with my SAD lamp.

Then there are the constant pointless messages. Join this. Vote for that. I’m a vampire, bite me! Well, I’m a socially awkward nerd, so why don’t you bite me instead? I sometimes wonder if it’s impossible to find the right audience on the web. I disappear from the blog for a few days and come back to find that my most regular visitors are people searching for ‘nipples’ and ‘royalty sex’.

Those visitors won’t read this. Which means, if you’ve got this far, you can be certain you’re not a 'Barry' and possibly not even a 'Ned'. You’re probably one of the people who might enjoy a website like ‘The Laughing Squid’. I go over there and begin to think that the world is not all bad.

And would you look at that: it’s finally stopped raining.


  1. Oh! I've ended up here and I was looking for naked photos of Martin Clunes. Typical!

    Hahahahahaaa. Love it when you write about yourself..... but you are just like Ned. You really are. Hahahahaaa....

  2. Pah! I'm nothing like Ned and I'm horrified you could think different. In fact, I'm so shocked I think I'll have to go back to bed...