Wednesday, 16 October 2013

One of those blog posts between posts where I have something more significant to talk about...

Overloaded with work today so I’ve had no time for blogging or eating, just gasping the occasional lung of air between jobs. I’m also being kept busy by the fools on the other end of the phone number 01709 384780. Apparently, they have something to do with Vodafone in Rochdale but I only know this from online research. As soon as I answer the phone they either hang up or they wait until I hear their call centre and then they hang up.

Speaking of fools, yesterday I was in Manchester and I discovered that if you’re an idiot, drunk, and accompanied by a woman who is also an idiot and drunk, neither of you need to pay to use public transport. I witnessed this at Manchester Piccadilly where a tall unfunny crooner (he was singing a Sinatra lyric involving the line ‘I dream of the sweat beneath her armpit’) and a small barely cogent thong-wearer passed through the ticket barrier without showing a ticket. A ticket inspector followed them as far as the concourse but he gave up the chase. When I say ‘chase’, I really mean that they were walking slowly and eventually couldn’t be bothered to walk any slower in case he caught them. Not that I blame him. I’ve seen this type before. It’s almost a thing to admire, seeing the way they walk through barriers without a care in the world. A willingness to throw punches at people in authority is apparently enough to save you a £10 or £20 train fare. I’d try it myself but I have a tendency to dribble when faced with violence and/or imprisonment.

In Manchester, I also discovered facial threading. I didn’t know what it was when I stumbled on the kiosk outside Argos in the Arndale but now I’m enlightened as to face threading. I thought it some mystical art because it promised to ‘reshape your face’ but I’ve now discovered that it’s a way of ripping out facial hairs using a twisted piece of thread. I guess it’s better than the skin eating fish that were all the rage a year or so ago but hardly as funny.

I briefly thumbed through Greyson Perry’s new book in Waterstones. Expensive but not as funny as I thought it would be. I still wonder why he never replied to any of my letters. It took a week of hard work tracking down his studio via Google Streetview. I virtually walked every street on in his part of London until I matched a front door to his letterbox. An artist friend recommended that I write to him because she said Perry had a good sense of humour and was sure to reply. Two letters, two cartoons, and a book later and he still never bothered to reply, even when I addressed a letter to his teddy bear. I’m beginning to wonder if he does corporate work on behalf of Samsung…

Speaking of Samsung, I was delighted to see that Android app, ‘ArtFlow’, has upgraded and now allows 4k canvasses! Unfortunately, it only allows these bigger canvases on the new Samsung Note 10.1 (2014 edition) which really rubs the South Korean sea salt into the wound. Thankfully, the 2014 edition doesn't seem to be out in the UK so I don't need to feel too bad just yet... And I’ve also figured out how to switch between pen and eraser using the button on the side, so I'm managing to work quicker, though not necessarily better. If I find the enthusiasm, I’ll do another video and show you the results… Or perhaps not… Yes, I’m feeling that way about my cartoons this week. I’ve now got seven suitable candidates to send off to the cartoon competition but I don’t know anybody able (or willing) to judge them. I gave them to those closest to me and all I got were blank faces. This teaches me something about my cartoons, my humour, or my friends and family.


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