Wednesday, 6 April 2011

Accountant To Star In Fantasy Film

Nicholas Cage's account to star in his next filmI'm a bit behind with my cartoons today, so excuse them if they're a bit rushed. I blame my having watched 'Season of the Witch' last night instead of working late into the night.

Have you seen ‘Season of the Witch’? Basically, a couple of Crusaders (Cage and the ever magnificent Ron Perlman) are doing their bit for the crusades when they are suddenly struck by their consciences and decide to give it up. Returning to Europe, they discover the land infested by plague, which the Catholic Church believe is caused by some young looker (Claire Foy) who they’ve decided is a witch. Herein, Cage and Ron agree to transport the witch to an abbey where monks possess the last Book of Solomon which can vanquish the plague.

I could go on but it was a load of old hokum with absolutely no thought to historical accuracy and some of the worst casting I’ve seen. Their guide on the quest is a scoundrel raised on the streets of this Medieval European village with a sun-baked California accent. The only thing to be said other than Ron Perlman should be cast as the lead in every film (and, while I’m about it, can I recommend the woefully underrated ‘The Last Supper’ as his best), is that I hope Nicholas Cage pays off his debts soon because I don’t think I can take much more of this.


  1. I think you should leave off Sir Nicholas Cage young lady (with your prose I assume you are a lady, but I might be wrong - is just a 50/50 really, unless your a hermaphrodite, in which case I would never guess that as its not a logical answer).

    He has starred in some of the most brilliant films of the past fear years. I would go on about his roll in Kick Ass, but assume, being the buff you are, you've already watched that and will agree, but how can you forget starring roles in such classics as G-Force, The Wicker Man remake (better than the original eh herm?) and World Trade Center.

  2. Young lady? You want to be the first person thrown from my blog headfirst into a wall? Bloody cheek. Where's a crocodile when you need one?

    I've not seen Kick Ass for reasons that a numerous to mention but top being my allergy to anything that Jonathan Ross likes. The Wicker Man remake was abysmal (the original is a classic, what with Britt Eckland's body double dancing naked as the slugs get randy in time lapse), and I didn't even know he was in G-Force. Was he in a hamster suit?

    I like Nicholas Cage when he's not playing Nicholas Cage. I liked him in Matchstick Men, Raising Arizona, Bringing Out The Dead, and I'd like to see him in Herzog's Bad Lieutenant. I hear he was pretty good.

    I think it will be best for everybody when he's paid off his debts and he picks his movies based on the script and not the pay cheque.

  3. Cage overacts!

    Zebra, I must warn you that the link contains swearing, I know you are very sensitive about that sort of thing.

  4. Exactly right. You can bet if Tom Cruise is in the film, he’ll kick a chair at least one. If Nicholas Cage is the film, he’ll have at least one scene in which he shakes his head crazily whilst rolling his eyes and growling.

  5. Interesting. I thought the old Zebra would throw a hissy fit after seeing what I said about Nicolas I'marubbishactor Cage. The anger management course must be working. *pats Zebra on the head*