March was a hellish month for me. April has not started out well. There have been a few small highlights, things along the way that have made me click my heels or punch the air, but they're things tangential to my life. For example, yesterday, the Daily Politics gave me one of my rare 'hell yes' moments. Andrew Neil was interviewing the deeply smarmy Sajid Javid. Neil asked a question which Javid immediately ignored in that way that's become indicative of this debate-free election. I can't say that I've noticed the LIb Dems, Labour, or even UKIP doing this but the Tories have it mastered like they've been practising it in conclaves beneath Westminster.
'Is it raining?' you could ask them.
'Well,' they'll reply, 'what's clear regarding the weather is that the long term economic plan is working and merely looking out of the window to check the heavens for precipitation would put that long term economic plan in jeopardy.'
Only yesterday Neil did something I've not seen a journalist do before. He visibly lost his temper and, damn it, didn't it feel good! I'm utterly sick of hearing about the 'long term economic plan', which means very little to my life. It's been my highlight of my election so far.
I am, I suppose, one of those small businesses (ha!) the Tories love so much but it's damn hard to earn anything. I really need to rethink what the hell I'm doing. Today was supposedly 'pay day' but my pay has taken a huge hit due to factors beyond my (and my client's) control. I should really negotiate a new deal but I'm not in a position to do that. I need to find better work but life has many complicating factors. To do that would also mean no more writing and no more cartoons and definitely no more blog. Moneterising the blog has resulted in about £3 in three months, with donations sitting at a big empty sack of zero. As I periodically ponder, usually at the end of a month when I look at my bank balance: why do I even bother?
I know I've been here before but simply because you often walk to the edge of an abyss and then step back doesn't deny that the abyss is there and that my blogging life is precarious.
Oh, sod it. I drew a John Kerry cartoon last night. I might go and finish that as I ponder these hard questions. I also have real 'work' to do, which I'm not in the mood to face. Not on this money, an amount that any one of you would think is risible, shameful... Christ. What the hell is wrong with me? I have so many skills but I lack the simple ability to negotiate a decent wage.
Seriously, if anybody out there wants a cheap minimum wage dog's body able to write essays, articles, books, draw cartoons, build websites, write Android apps, create Windows software, model 3D objects, make animations, presentations... You know where I am.