Wednesday 3 December 2014

How Nigel Farage's Penis Ruined My Day

Damn it. Bollocks. Shit.

I'm swearing because I can. I'm also swearing because Google think this blog might be unsuitable for a family audience. Well, too bloody right. It's not family friendly now and never will be again. Arse. Nuts. Engorged flanges.

You might have noticed a yellow block at the top of the blog yesterday and this morning. I had big plans for that block. I'd hoped it was going to be filled with blonde women advertising bra sales and canoe weekends. I was hoping that advertisers might interest you in their knitted vests and you would click to buy yourself enough woolens for winter and that I would receive a nice commission on that sale. In other words: I'd finally relented and added Google ads to the site. I thought it would generate a little bit of revenue and every penny counts in these hard days in our frigid economy.

Only, I stupidly requested Google Ads on the one day that I'd drawn a penis on the blog and they have now rejected my application on the grounds that this isn't a 'family friendly' site.

I don't think I've ever drawn a penis on this blog in the nine years I've been writing it. I might never draw Nigel Farage's penis again, though, as soon as I type those words, I realise that will now have to draw Nigel Farage's penis again. In fact, I might as well make this blog about nothing other than Nigel Farage's penis. Hell, I might give its own comic strip.

The irony is that wherever I travel on the world worst web, I see many things more disturbing than a tiny drawing of Nigel Farage's penis. Football websites often have Google Ads alongside women fondling their breasts, which I don't take to be a 'bad thing' but certainly not 'family friendly'. However, I have run foul of the Google censors and now I can't even earn a few pence to make this blog feel like a viable concern.

So, like I said... Damn it. Bollocks. And shit.

 ***


If that wasn't bad enough, Nigel Farage's penis is also behind the second reason why I'm having a bad day.

A friend emailed last night to say that he thought I was desperate for popularity and I replied that I doubted if that's true. Beyond managing to sustain myself, my real ambition for writing and cartooning isn't popularity but simply to be read by a certain intelligent crowd who are cynical, sceptical, but good natured and broadly humanist. I'd like to know that there are a few loyal people who enjoy the things I do. I'd much rather be cult than mainstream. I'd rather have a few people enjoying most of what I do, rather than everybody enjoying just one thing.

However, some days, things like this happen to me.

It was hubris, I know, to post that cartoon but I'd thought it quite good. I didn't think it would be the best thing on the site but I definitely didn't think it worthy of being in (almost) last place.

Screenshot_13

Not to disparage another person's efforts but I have to really rethink things if my cartoons are getting ranked lower than this effort.

Screenshot_14

My friend is probably right. He's one of life's immensely wise and intelligent beings. Perhaps these dumb little 'Recommends' mean more to me than they should and I should shout, 'Screw them! Screw them all!' I should let people come here looking for me than searching for an audience whose idea of satire is something like that.

Needless to say: I now regret drawing Nigel Farage's penis but I know I'll now have to draw it again. I'll have to draw it again and again just so the bastards don't think they've won.

4 comments:

  1. well if anything deserves a blog of its own then its surely nigel farage's penis. imagine the adventures it's had! what sights it must have seen.

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  2. LOL. If I weren't that busy, I would have already set up that blog and written three posts for it.

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  3. Your sense of timing is amazing - and oi - stop knocking my Guardian cartoon....at least its not covered in tippex...

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  4. Bah! Rubbish! If you'd drawn that, it would be patiently cross hatched and a work of beauty. Don't start me going about how good your stuff is or I'll just embarrass you.

    Bloody Guardian readers have ruined my week...

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