I thought I’d warm things up this morning with a cheap Michael Gove gag, which is needed when our politics have the subtlety of poison mists and cattle prods.
Gove validates the myth that extra-terrestrials have been splicing our genes for years. What is he? Part man? Part platypus? A hint of sea lion? There has to be some fish DNA mixed in there too. Any fool can recognise that he’s the by-product of anal probing and cow mutilation. Reform of the GCSEs is obviously the prelude to a full scale ground invasion by the Mole People of Mars. They’ve put their people into key positions: Osborne at the Treasury, May in the Home Office. So, this is it... Man the barricades. Send an EMP pulse into the exosphere because things are about to turn ugly. And just remember: if he bites, you must chop off the limb before you begin to have leadership ambitions of your own.