Tuesday, 18 June 2013

The Wrong Sort of Visitors

The reality of blogging is this: I spend about four hours carefully crafting a 1500 word article about the Nigella Lawson / Charles Saatchi story, finding my argument subtle and therefore difficult one to write. I link it in to different articles and news stories and eventually speculate that stereotypical attitudes towards domestic violence might actually distract us from understanding the everyday realities of violence in the world…

I enjoyed writing it and I post it hoping that somebody somewhere would enjoy reading it.

Then I discover that, in Canada, I’m rated the Number 1 on Google for the term ‘3D porn blog’.

I sometimes think it’s blogging that deepens my scepticism about human nature, except, perhaps I’m partly to blame. If I hadn’t taken the time to produce facetious posts about 3D porn, I wouldn’t be getting so many Canadians looking for 3D porn on this blog. And that’s the sad part of this notoriety: I can’t do anything with it. In fact, I’m probably exacerbating the problem every time I write ‘3d porn blog’.

I obviously don’t care about statistics that I want lots of visitors coming to this blog who think they’re actually going to get 3D porn. I want intelligent, humorous, good looking readers who are susceptible to flattery. I want readers (possibly Canadian, it doesn't really matter) who enjoy off the wall cartoons drawn by a man who is trying his best to hold it together despite his occasional need to rant. I want people who will come back even if I, one day, I write a long boring article or a crazy review of a comedian they’ve probably not heard about, complete with strange comic strip. Above all, I want readers who will stick by me despite the bad days.

If you’re here in your underwear with your 3D glass already strapped to your head, then I really don’t need you… Unless, of course, you’re also a regular who also fulfills the above requirements. In which case, you can stay. Just put on some trousers first.

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