Tuesday, 18 November 2014
The 2014 Winter Maplin Catalogue: A Review
Beginning with this classic pose, you really can't do better, even if it amplifies a certain rotundity around the waist of this chubby Freddie Flintoff (tip for next year, Maplin: buy baggier shirts).
I turn the page and find it disappointing to see that Maplin haven't left behind the staged poses of the previous catalogue. Two hands are definitely not better than one unless this is actually some kind of far eastern martial art.
This is better but the finger point up loses marks. What's on the end of that finger and where, indeed, does he plan on wiping it?
Another classic. The teapot is an elegant alternative but sometimes hard to carry off. Fortunately, this year's model does a great job. Both spout and handle are in the right places.
The classic again and superbly carried off. Nothing to note here so better move on.
What can I say? This is a terrible interpretation of the teapot. We can see his spout but that's a sorry excuse for a handle. The only positive thing about the post is the position of the fingers. Some might say it's a feeble attempt at pointing but he's actually demonstrating an excellent way of remembering Fleming's left-hand rule for motors. First finger: field. Second finger: current. Thumb: motion.
If you ever needed a painted fingernail example of Fleming's right-hand rule for generators this could be it. If you are looking for finger pointing, this is probably not how to do it. The eyes are looking in a different direction. I'm afraid this woman doesn't install confidence that she would know how to rewire a sink.
This is a superb example of how to pose for the portly man of the world. Casual yet with a certain intensity. This is the guy you want giving advice about pin connectors.
An odd one this and new for this year's catalogue. It's a big Morrisey and ever so homoerotic. It's clearly modelled on the painting of St Sebastian, who was the first gay icon. It's good to see Maplin reaching out to all sectors of the community.
The above is a perfect example of how not to point. The term 'pissed off' and 'wish I wasn't here' spring to mind. Would you buy a caravan recharge socket from this man? I know I wouldn't. Point me in the direction of a man who knows how to point!
This, however, says 'where's you nearest 240 volt outlet, mate?' What confidence. What elan! Well done, sir! I'll buy anything from you and use it in the bathtub safe in the knowledge that it's been double earthed!
If this year's Maplin catalogue is a bit of a mixed bag of poses, I've saved the worst for last. Two hands pointing is never a good idea and this shows why. Where is he pointing? Is that 10 o'clock or 11? Where should we look? Is one hand helpfully pointing in the direction of the other? What's he saying? It's like he's being too helpful and simply getting in his own way. The result is that he looks like he's doing a bad disco dance.
Better luck next time, Maplin!